Questioning a Missionaries Purpose. Am I Missing the Point?

"I sure hope not" I said to myself queitly when I wondered whether I could come to Africa dn be a missionary here, buy yet miss my calling. Our church service this morning made me question the way I have gone about living out my missionary experience. Is it possible that I am cheating myself out of a blessing? Am I not living up to my full potential as a missionary? Deep questions beckon deep searches, I thought to myself this afternoon whether I should be more open minded about my job here, my hope is that I won't miss out on what God is trying to tell me, or what he has brought me here for.
This place is not heaven, this experience is not perfect, I am finding out first hand that the mission field has many if not more challenges than the world I left called home. I am not naive enought to think that this mission land I am living in is the real world, while my home I left is somehow a secluded bubble that has no problems. If you human, breathing, and made of dirt, you are no doubt part of the real world, a world full of sin, death, disappointment, and pain. Satan simply never lets you rest, no matter if you are exposed to the world without anyone on your side, and no matter if you are living in a bubble where things appear peachy. Satan is no respector of persons, he will seek you out to destroy you, and he is resilient and persistent. The good news is God is no respector of persons either; he treats and loves all of us equally, and he too is resilient and persistent, even more so than Satan.
After I contemplated the purpose of life deeply, I came around full circle with my original thought of contemplating my purpose. Am I in the right place at the right time? Did I make the right choice in coming to Ethiopia? The food doesn't taste amazing, should I have gone to Thailand or maybe Mexico to be a student missionary? They love soccer here, but should I have gone to a country where they are even crazier about soccer, maybe Brazil or Cameroon? I found my thoughts getting shallower and shallower as I finally came to the conclusion while reading chapter 21 in the desire of ages. The chapter was about Bethesda and the Sanhedrin, this chapter describes in great detail the Jewish leaders questioning Jesus' mission on this earth. I thought it scary and yet preposterous that I could be acting in the same way the Sanhedrin did. For when Christ came in a manner contrary to their expectations, they would not receive Him. As a missionary I am essentially Christ's hands and feet, I am living out his mission here in this country. So whenever I doubt my purpose here because it is contrary to my expectations, then I doubt purpose here as well. Scary thought. Because the next step for the Jewish leaders after not Christ's purpose here was to prove him as a deceiver. "Is this what I have been doing" I asked myself silently; it was scary to think that I could be proving him as a deciever. By me doubting, or becoming bitter about my assignment here I am putting in question God's purpose, and honor. It is ok to become depressed, sad, homesick or discouraged here, but if I reject this mission in my heart after I have originally fel God's calling and accepted it as my mission, than I am headed for a world of hurt, and essentially missing a tremendous blessing as well as neglecting important work that God wants me to accomplish. This epiphany challenged me, and has given me renewed focus at Gimbie Adventist Hospital. I am leaving here in a little more than 2 months, that time will come very soon, therefore I must get my act together and live purposefully every second, this is not an opportunity that I can squander, and it is not a blessing that I can miss. I didn't come here to have a good time, or assist the administrator or the CFO in their duties; I came here to serve God, and that is a purpose that I will not reject.